All that aside though, I realized that I never blogged about a major thing that I did a couple of months ago around Memorial Day. When I initially shared about it on Instagram, I said the story behind it was a little too long to share via that medium, and then I never followed up on it. A good friend reminded me of that after she asked me about it. Whoops! If you follow me on social media (which you probably do if you're reading this) then you know that I made the decision in May to get a tattoo on my wrist/lower forearm. This was a months-long decision, as I had been thinking about it since the end of January or so and had made plans with my sister to get tattoos in March when I visited Dallas for my nephew's birthday. COVID had other plans. I had to cancel my weekend trip and everything was shut down for a long time. I needed to get out of town for a few days (work was burning me out) so I trekked to Dallas for Memorial Day weekend.
Can I just say that the experience was not what I expected at all? I had this idea in mind about the shop we'd visit...clean, but something like you see in the movies or TV. This was definitely not it. The shop was very clean AND nothing like I'd imagined. Neither was my tattoo artist! That should teach me to have unrealistic expectations of things, right? I felt a little out of place-I never desired to get a tattoo before the last few months. I was perfectly fine keeping ink off my body, and I also have a tendency to change my mind so I didn't want to commit to anything permanent I'd have to regret at some point. But, after last fall's events and the ever-changing atmosphere of our current world, I wanted a constant, visible reminder of promises that I'd discovered back when I was in middle school.
But now thus says the Lord,
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I give Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in exchange for you.
Because you are precious in my eyes and honored, and I love you,
I give men in return for you,
peoples in exchange for your life."
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I give Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in exchange for you.
Because you are precious in my eyes and honored, and I love you,
I give men in return for you,
peoples in exchange for your life."
There are 24 more verses to this chapter of Isaiah, and I highly recommend you spend time reading it on your own. I committed in 2018/2019 to learn the entire chapter by heart; it's 8 months into 2020 and I still only have about half of it memorized (Scripture memorization is HARD!). Why did I choose to attempt that? It was part of a New Year's set of goals that my Sunday school teachers at the time challenged us to attempt in 2019. They asked us to pick a "desert island passage", a portion of Scripture that, if you were stranded on a desert island with no access to Scripture, you could be spiritually fed because you had memorized that passage. My mind instantly went to Isaiah 43. And, for good reason: I had discovered it in middle school and it became my favorite passage of Scripture.
See, in middle school, I was bullied. A lot. Not only was I a preacher's kid, I was homeschooled. And I was a pre-teen, which just added to the complications of growing up as a homeschooled preacher's kid. The bullying I had to deal with came primarily from those within the church. Sad, isn't it? The one place I never should have had to be worried about it was the one place I received the most of it. My sister could tell similar stories. I can remember one week at youth camp, when I spent several days/nights in tears because of the bullying and exclusion. What was even more discouraging was the fact that it was ignored/almost encouraged by the adults who were acting as sponsors AND who were involved with teaching middle and high school. It grew so bad that eventually, I left the youth group and never looked back. I never attended Sunday school at that church again. I never attended Wednesday night services unless it was with the adults. In fact, the experiences I had then left some pretty deep and big wounds, wounds that would go unhealed for a long time. For years, I could not stomach attending Sunday school. It was too hard and I hated it because that was one of the primary places I'd experienced so much pain.
It was in middle school that I questioned my worth. I had very low self-esteem, and I struggled with depression all throughout middle and high school (I still do but that's another post altogether). I don't remember the year or month, or exactly what had happened that caused me to be searching my Bible for something comforting to read. And I'm not really of the (somewhat superstitious) belief that you're just "led" to a passage. But I do think I stopped to read Isaiah 43 for a reason. I had never read it before. The promises were written for Israel while in exile in Babylon. Some of the things outlined are specifically for them, not for us. Even in the middle of their rebellion, God was faithful to them, upholding His covenant He'd made with Abraham hundreds/thousands of years before. Even in silence, He was working. Reading through the Old Testament this year has given me a greater understanding of God's character-by no means have I exhausted it though. I grew up hearing that the God of the Old Testament was different from the God of the New Testament (not from my dad, mind you), and at one time, though I knew it to be a false saying, I thought it had some truth to it. How could a God so wrathful and full of anger in the OT possibly be reconciled to be the same God who sent His Son in the New? The last few years have shown me that God is the same God of both testaments. Reading the Old, I've seen more clearly how God could have destroyed Israel completely. He had every justification to do so (just read 1 Samuel-2 Chronicles to get an idea of Israel's wickedness), and yet He was repeatedly referred to as being a God of "steadfast love" and displaying "great mercies" (Nehemiah 9:17,19). He provided a way for Israel to right themselves before Him: through sacrifices, offerings, and tabernacle worship....which ultimately foreshadowed the Lamb that was to come in Jesus.
I was asked why I would choose to ink something permanently onto my body. And believe me, I had months to consider it and I thought it through. The simplest answer is: Isaiah 43 has been a passage I've loved for years. It has reminded me of God's great love for His children, and His promise to always be with them regardless of circumstance or wandering. He may lead us through difficult times and really dark valleys, but He doesn't leave us there alone. Isaiah 43 has been a passage I've circled back to time and again over the years, especially recently. I wanted a visible reminder that I would see every single day. I have no excuse for forgetting what the passage says about God. I've prayed the passage over a couple of my youth girls, because I want them to know that as followers, they are called by name (not forgotten or invisible), and they are redeemed because they are His. You've probably heard me talk about The Chosen, a multi-season series on the life of Christ. If you haven't had a chance to watch it, go check out their YouTube channel for trailers and clips. Then, go download their free app to watch all 8 episodes for free. Episode 1 has one of the best endings and features this passage. When I saw the very first trailer for the first 4 episodes, I bawled because they featured a very specific line from the end of that episode. Every time I see that episode, I cry during that scene because the way it was scripted/filmed is such a powerful reminder that I. am. HIS. Nothing, no pain, no heartache, no difficult circumstance, NOTHING can take that away from me.
I. am. HIS. Are you?
